Home > Uncategorized > If you thought ogres played chess…

If you thought ogres played chess…

…you’ve got another thing comin’!

But Ogres don't Play Chess

But Ogres don't Play Chess!

We’ve finally hit our stride on the Amazon bookself, which means:

But Ogres don’t Play Chess! is available for download from Amazon!

When Louis, a nerdy alien, befriends Glumf, an ogre crushing on Louis’ sister Gertrude, the two hatch a plan to to win her heart by proving that Glumf is more than just a set of muscles.

Here’s a sample:

“The big chess meet is coming up in two weeks.”Louis told Glumf. “Gertrude always goes to watch the boys team. She calls it ‘going to the meat market’. I’m not really sure what that means.

“When she sees you bring home the golden pawn for our school, she’ll practically be begging to date you!”

“But…” Glumf started.

“Yeah?” Louis prompted his friend.

“But, Louis!”

“What’s on your mind, buddy?”


“Just spit it out, man!”

“But ogres don’t play chess!” Glumf finally ejaculated.

“They do if they wanna bang my sister!” Louis shouted a little too loudly. Robert VanDollarshaver III, the richest kid in school, looked up shocked. His monocle popped off clear across the hallway, shattering when it fell to the floor. Robert replaced it from a jewel studded monocle dispenser he always had on hand. He snapped his fingers and a lackey snooted, “Well, I never!” for Robert before stalking off.

As always, you can start reading the Monster Exchange Program series by clicking here to download Blob Fits In.

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