Guest Blogger: Silas
Fools! Behold my laboratory.
Don’t touch anything with your slovenly, sub-genius fingers.
I know what you’re thinking (Of course I do. For me, it is a trivial matter to predict your every move): why invite us to your lab if you don’t want us messing it up.
Answer: this is a calculated risk. If I’m to become class president, I’ll need to demonstrate my formidable mental capacity to you. And, though a mathematical proof or scientific dissertation would be my preferred choice, I know that you pin-headed pea-brains will be more easily wowed by bubbling beakers and tinkling test tubes.
Yes, listen and learn as you watch the pretty colors.
My place as the foremost genius in the entire high school has been proven irrefutably at this point. And while that lumbering lummox, Lance Majestic, will no doubt soak up a few votes from the more pliable-minded students, I believe it is clear at this point who the only viable candidate is.
Here’s where you chant my name in support.
Fools, I see your bovine eyes have glazed over. Very well: plan B. Greegor! Fetch the dancing monkeys. Good.
Yes, yes. watch the monkeys dance. Yes, you are a good little constituent. Yes you are!
Now! Off to the polls with you. You have been tasked with voting for me, Silas!